Sherlock 1-10: four otps ships

Sherlock Holmes/John Watson

It’s almost ridiculous to ask why Sherlock Holmes goes with John Watson, on whatever level— in a romantic relationship, as platonic soul mates or life partners, or as the best of friends. You need only know their history to see that it’s right. Natural. Undeniably essential. Individually they are exceptional but together— side by side for one hundred and twenty-five years without any signs of stopping— they are phenomenal.

Whether set in Victorian London with the iconic hansom cabs, Homburgs and toppers, and Inverness capes, or in today’s world of state-of-the-art forensic services and ever-changing info and telecommunications technology, they will remain— the doctor and the detective— as one of the greatest partnerships the world has ever seen.

*dialogue from (my-sort-of-headcanon fic) Two Exceptions and The Unlikely But Entirely True Happily Ever After, from the series A Love with No Name by aceofhearts61

sherlockstark:

thehufflepuffwholeaptthroughtime:

pernillo:

areyoutryingtodeduceme:

infinitefacepalm:

downtothelastbullet:

greenet:

tikaka:

clockworksexual:

iwoulddeduceyoutwice:

sugarkitteh:

bigbangpunch:

BRITISH VERSION OF THIS:

1. BOIL THE KETTLE - IF YOU HAVE TO USE A STOVE OR MICROWAVE SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR HOUSE

2. USE ANY WATER IN EXISTENCE - FUCK FILTERING THAT SHIT YOU DON’T HAVE TIME TO MAKE A PROFILE YOUR SHOW IS BACK ON IN 5 MINUTES PRESS A

3. THROW WHATEVER THE HELL TEABAG YOU HAVE IN THERE - FUCK LOOSE TEA THAT IS FOR WHEN YOU ORDER TEA OUTSIDE

4. USE YOUR STIRRING TEABAG METHOD OF CHOICE, ADD SUGAR/SWEETENER LIKE A BOSS OR NOT IF YOU ARE A HEALTHY BOSS

5. GRUMBLE LIKE A FISHERMAN BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO LEAVE THE KETTLE AREA TO GO TO THE FRIDGE TO GET MILK AND BACK TO IT AGAIN AFTER YOU ADD IT

6. RUN BACK TO WHATEVER YOU WERE DOING, TAKE A COMFORT SIP AND THEN EITHER FINISH IT OR FORGET ABOUT IT AND MOAN ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU LET IT GO COLD

****

EDIT: IF YOU CAN’T SPOT IF NOT FROM THIS ALONE THEN THE NATURE OF MY TUMBLR THAT I’M NOT MAKING A DIG AT HER COMIC SIMPLY POINTING OUT HOW LAZY WE ARE OVER HERE WITH TEA THEN GET OFF THE INTERNET. THE COMIC COVERS ALL TEA OPTIONS. COME AT ME BRO.

THE AUSTRALIAN VERSION

JUST GET THE BLOODY BILLY ON THE FIRE AND THROW IN A FISTFUL OF TEA FOR EACH BUGGER AFTER THE WATER BOILS

TAKE OFF FIRE

WAIT UNTIL IT REACHES DESIRED STRENGTH

CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING A SPOON STOOD UPRIGHT IN IT IS IDEAL

WHACK BILLY TO ENCOURAGE SINKING OF TEA LEAVES

POUR IT OUT

ADD AS MUCH MILK AND SUGAR AS YOU LIKE OR NOT AT ALL VEGEMITE IS ACCEPTABLE

DRINK IT DOWN WHILE RIDING OFF INTO THE OUTBACK ON YOUR BIG RED KANGAROO ON A SADDLE MADE OF DROPBEAR PELTS, WITH YOUR TRUSTY BRUMBY PACKING ALONG YOUR SWAG AND A DINGO BY YOUR SIDE

CHEERS MATE

CANADIAN VERSION

WHAT IS ENGLAND DOING?

OK NOW COPY THAT SHIT AND JUST CHANGE A FEW THINGS

NO PUSSY REAL “TEAWARE”, WE HAVE NORMAL COFFEE MUGS FOR THAT SHIT.

USE WHATEVER APPLIANCE YOU WANT TO HEAT THE DAMN WATER, YEAH WE SIGNED OUR FUCKING FREEDOM. NO ONE SAID IT WAS MANDATORY FOR KETTLES!

SIT LIKE A CLASSY MAN/WOMAN AND WAIT FOR IT TO BOIL

EAT SOME BACON

THROW A TEABAG IN THERE, LOOSE TEA IS FOR MY MONARCHIST AUNT.

DUMP SO MUCH SUGAR IN IT THAT YOU GET DIABETES AND SO MUCH MILK THAT YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE AND MILK THE COW, BETSY.

TAKE A SIP.

SCALD YOURSELF AND ALMOST DROP MUG, SPILLING IT DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR BACK IN THE PROCESS.

REALIZE TEA ISN’T TOO MUCH OF YOUR THING AND GO BACK TO COFFEE.

AMERICAN VERSION

FIND A CUP(?) (ANY CLEAN, CUP-LIKE INSTRUMENT WILL WORK)

FILL IT WITH TAP WATER

ADD FIVE SPOONFULS OF INSTANT ICED TEA POWDER

STIR THAT SHIT SO HARD YOU SPILL SOME ON THE COUNTER, LET GO OF THE SPOON SO YOU CAN WATCH IT SPIN

DRINK IT AND CHOKE BECAUSE IT’S TOO SWEET

POUR SOME INTO THE SINK AND ADD WATER IN HOPES THAT IT WILL TASTE ACCEPTABLE

REPEAT UNTIL YOU GET IT RIGHT

ADD ICE CUBES AND A STRAW TO ENHANCE CLASSINESS

FINNISH VERSION

FUCK THE KETTLE, JUST TAKE THE PAIL FROM THE SAUNA

IF THE WATER ISN’T BOILING, YOU’RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG

TOSS THE BIRCH VIHTA IN THE WATER AND LET IT SEEP FOR A WHILE

GET A BOTTLE OF VODKA

DRINK THE VODKA

FORGET THE “TEA” UNTIL IT COOLS DOWN

RINSE YOUR NAKED BODY WITH THE BIRCH TEA

GO ROLL IN THE SNOW AND SCREAM FOR YOUR ANCIENT GODS

NORWEGIAN VERSION

BOIL WATER IN ELECTRIC KETTLE

TAKE OUT INSTANT COFFEE

DRINK COFFEE

…WHAT DO YOU MEAN “TEA”?

SOUTHERN VERSION

GET A POT AND PUT SOME WATER AND A BUNCH OF TEA BAGS IN THAT SONOFABITCH

BOIL THAT SHIT

PUT THAT SHIT IN A PITCHER

ADD SUGAR

KEEP ADDING SUGAR

NO, YOU’RE NOT DONE YET

WHEN THE SUGAR HAS REACHED ITS SATURATION POINT AND IS NO LONGER ACTUALLY DISSOLVING IN BOILING WATER THEN YOU’RE DONE

(i am not making this up i know people who make it that way)

FILL THE REST OF THAT SHIT UP WITH WATER AND PUT THAT MOTHERFUCKER IN THE ICEBOX

ENJOY THAT SHIT WITH A NICE TASTY PLATE OF DEEP-FRIED THINGS

How To Make Tea. In multiple countries.

YOU’RE WELCOME, TUMBLR.

DANISH VERSION

GRAB BEER FROM FRIDGE BECAUSE IT’S GOING TO TAKE TOO LONG TO MAKE ANYTHING, AND YOU’RE THIRSTY NOW. 

3D CHARACTER ANIMATOR STUDENT VERSION:

BEGIN YOUR QUEST WITH GAINING A STRESS-INDUCED ‘THOUSAND YARD STARE’ FROM SEEING HOW MUCH WORK YOU HAVE TO DO (WITH A VERY SHORT TIME LIMIT)

DECIDE AGAINST LOOKING TO THE ABYSS SINCE YOU’RE GONNA HOP RIGHT THE FUCK INTO IT

SWEET TALK ANY ELECTRONIC DEVICE YOU HAVE THAT’LL HEAT UP WATER

ONLY SWITCH FROM PURE BLACK COFFEE TO TEA WHEN THE COFFEE BECOMES A SIDE-EFFECTING ASSHOLE TO YOUR HEALTH

BALANCE OUT YOUR INTAKE OF BOTH DRINKS LIKE A BOSS

MAKE YOURSELF A PAPER MONOCLE, AND SIP ON A CUP OF TEA WITH 100% GRADE-A CLASS AND SWAG BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT THIS SHIT IN CONTROL AND THERE’S A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

REPEAT THE ENTIRE CYCLE (WITH A FEW ADDITIONAL CURSES) WHEN YOU DISCOVER YOU’RE ACTUALLY ONLY HALFWAY DONE WITH YOUR PROJECT. :|

PERSIAN VERSION

MAKE THE WOMEN DO IT

CHATTER BOISTEROUSLY WHILE YOU WAIT

SHERLOCKIAN VERSION

“SHERLOCK, WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT KETTLE?”

“DID YOU FUCKING BOIL THOSE EYES IN THE KETTLE AGAIN?”

“THIS IS THE LAST TIME, I SWEAR.”

“…Oh, here it is! Right then!”

PROCEED HEDGEHOG-SHUFFLING YOUR WAY TO THE STOVE.

THROW SOME OF YOUR KITTEN-AND-GUNS/DEPRESSED SOLDIER ESSENCE INTO KETTLE.

ADD WATER THAT’S NOT CONTAMINATED WITH POISONS, HUMAN RESIDUE AND/OR FLUIDS.

STEEP AFOREMENTIONED CONCOCTION ON ANY FREE BURNER. (“SHERLOCK, WHY ARE YOU COOKING HUMAN ENTRAILS!?”)

PROCEED POURING BREW INTO WHATEVER THE HELL IS CLEAN AND NOT STAINED WITH THE BLOOD OF SOME POOR CADAVER.

RUMMAGE IN THE CABINETS FOR SOME SUGAR. (“HOLY SHIT IS THAT ARSENIC!?”)

SIT DOWN WITH A NICE COPY OF THE PAPER.

(Ignore Sherlock and his “BLACK, TWO SUGARS, JAWN!!!11ONE!”)

Stir and enjoy!